(I don´t own the above picture)
jueves, 28 de noviembre de 2013
Well invested money:
During my first months I always carried
hand sanitizer in my purse wherever I go; hand sanitizer -now? After dealing
with 4 gastroenteritis, 3 food poising and god knows how many flu, forget it.
I´ll better spend that money in a pint.
(I don´t own the above picture)
False association:
Sleeping at a
Hotel room during a layover I woke up in the middle of the night thinking that
I was still a bit dizzy due to the plane. No, it was actually an earthquake.
(I don´t own the above picture)
I´m a size 0, no you are not:
Sometimes you
may find that particular overweight passenger that somehow refuses the extra
seat belt because they think that they really don´t need it even so they barely
fit onto the seat. Get over it, you are fat.
(I don´t own the above picture)
lunes, 25 de noviembre de 2013
domingo, 24 de noviembre de 2013
Small talk:
-
Oh! So you are crew? Sure that
you know lots of places!
- Yes, specially lots of Hotel rooms
-
….. (awkward silence)
(I don´t own the above picture)
The use of creativity and a trolley accidentally smashing someone
Many times I´m
asked “how is it that you can stand and work with a college that is a clear
pain in the (you can figure where is that pain)?” And my answer is very simple:
patience and trying not to get myself sick from those situations.
At this point we all know that as crew we are doomed to work with a multicultural facade
of nationalities and that each one of them carries out a particular “thing”
from their culture. No, I´m not talking about their ideologies, gastronomical
background or social values; I´m talking about the cultural level of bitchiness.
Northern Europeans, for example German or Swedish, simply ignore you when you
talk to them if they are in a bad mood or “not being nice” to you. So they
might simply not answer the intercom when you request another bottle of water
from the galley while you are standing in the middle of the aisle with your
cart while performing meal and beverage service. South Americans tend to be
very responsive and not in a very polite way, usually they choose their words
with a quota of violence: “be aware when you go down the stairs from the rest
area”. Indians usually get accelerated and trying to make their level of
bitchiness and proudness a bureaucracy, how? By making a report for nonsense
things to human resources and usually then you get notified or have to make a statement
to your Manager about that silly “thing” (just a waste of time).
Yes, I have
lived many situations like that and the far worst was when my little finger got
“accidentally” smashed by a 20´s something female I-try-to-be-occidental Korean.
She simply secured the trolley “without noticing” that my hand was there and
well, I almost finished my day of work with 9 fingers. Who would have thought
that a Korean would have that behavior after (apparently) storing rage when I refused
to swap rooms with her during the layover? See? In this vocation you get the
chance to get to know how a human being manifests shocking reactions in situations
that don´t require that amount of energy.
How may someone
cope with all of that? Not-all-may, sometimes they do perfectly but for a short
period of time and then start to get physically sick due to the stress of
coping with those kind of people. High fevers, body rushes, terrible headaches
(migraines), nausea and even sudden lost of weight are some of the direct symptoms
of stress. I have to make you a confession: many times I thought that I was pregnant
because I had all the symptoms, morning sickness, sudden whim follow by excruciating
nonstop vomiting; sore boobs so on and so on. The problem was that counting my
days back it was impossible for me to be pregnant unless I was about to become
Virgin Mary Volume II. So, what was wrong with me? Stress. Yes, stress made my
boobs sore.
Is not easy and
I´m still learning how to deal with those situations and not to over involve myself
with bad energy. There are crew who have this horrible “aura” in each flight
and it´s not that they are going through a bad situation or moment in their
life, no. They are simply bitchy and that is it. So, I started doing yoga but
it didn´t work. Pilates, neither. Spinning, well, it kind of work but not entirely.
What is currently working and being very effective cost free is imagining a
situation in my head were they get physically hurt or publicly humiliated. I
can go beyond borders and the most important thing is that is it cost free. My favorite
one?
Yes, this one goes in my head over
and over again: the trolley has a faulty brake system and during an air pocket the
cart accidentally goes down the aisle at full speed and knocks outs that
particular crew that is trying to make my life miserable doing that flight.
Since I started playing with my imagination and creativity I may state that
stress has been reduced from “I can´t get out of bed” to “I´m doing my favorite
sport with no effort whatsoever”: fake smiling
(I don´t own the above picture)
jueves, 21 de noviembre de 2013
Yes:
Sometimes we stick to the rules so we may
have fun at you, “no Sir. you may not change seats until we are at cruising altitude”
(I don´t own the above picture)
Women are from Venus:
Men are from Mars I´m from JFK, SYD, NRT,
CDG, MLE so on and so on – smile
(I don´t own the above picture)
Illusion of turning left instead of going far back to the right:
That feeling when an Economy Class Passenger
boards the plane with priority as he has a Silver Frequent Flyer status
(I don´t own the above picture)
lunes, 18 de noviembre de 2013
Better than in a Mexican soap-opera:
What would happened if you would have to
attend your ex mother-in-law in an extra long haul journey? Small detail, she despises
you as you cheated on her son with his best friend that now you are getting
married. By the way, this is not my case but just a thought. Share your
experiences and point of view
(I don´t own the above picture)
Fact:
Mystery shoppers may be women below 25
years old, with cramps syndrome and more irritable than your mother-in-law – parachute
me
(I don´t own the above picture)
Duty free:
Female cabin crew are in Mac; Pilots near
the Booz section; Male cabin crew wearing Mac and I´m just craving for a smoke
(I don´t own the above picture)
Yes, it happened:
In my last flight an Economy Class
passenger inflated the life jacket so he would have an “extra pillow”
(I don´t own the above picture)
domingo, 17 de noviembre de 2013
sábado, 16 de noviembre de 2013
Wanna see a magic trick?
Grab a photo camera and try to take a
picture from a QR crew, they will just vanish from the frame
(I don´t own the above picture)
In an evacuation test for aircraft certification:
I have never seen participants who are + 65
years old that means that a flight from Miami hasn´t the proper certification,
does it?
(I don´t own the above picture)
Smoking is allowed:
The good old days were you could buy a
ticket to your asthmatic ex boyfriend for a 13 hours plane journey
(I don´t own the above picture)
martes, 12 de noviembre de 2013
For further indications:
The bathroom door is the one that has the
big red arrow and a big silver handle
(I don´t own the above picture)
The flight attendants look better with the lights switched off or dimmed:
That´s
why we dimmed them during takeoff and landing, so we may nap
(I don´t own the above picture)
Don´t forget:
I hold the intercom and we make the
announcements – smile
.jpg)
(I don´t own the above picture)
viernes, 8 de noviembre de 2013
Squats:
At 35.000 feet bending and going back
straight for 399 passengers is like being crew of a Cindy Crawford workout
video
(I don´t own the above picture)
We take care of everything:
Yes, your bags are being taking care of,
pampered, groomed and manicured while they rest in cargo hold – smile
(I don´t own the above picture)
Opening the curtain while I´m eating in the galley:
It´s like someone opening the bathroom door while
you are minding your own business
(I don´t own the above picture)
martes, 5 de noviembre de 2013
The health roulette:
3 times out of 4 there is a Doctor on board. The 1 / 4 of the situations
we just pray that Paracetamol will be enough
(I don´t own the above picture)
It isn´t really what you think:
When you see me staring at my watch while seated in my jump seat during
take-off I´m actually napping
(I don´t own the above picture)
This month Gossip: November 2013
Gossip has been always part of the human communication.
We all do it in our language and codes; crew has their own codes. This
month gossip:
US Airways about Singapore Airlines: when I
went to the plastic surgeon I told him “make me the waste line as a Singapore
Airlines crew”
Singapore Airlines about Qatar Airways:
(giggles)
Qatar Airways about Alitalia: they may get
married, divorced and they won´t get burned by Management
Alitalia about Virgin Atlantic: we Armani
you Westwood
Virgin Atlantic about Lufthansa: they do
hard while Management makes us whisper
Lufthansa about Iberia: when we strike we do
it on time
Iberia about Air France: I feel fat
Air France about United Airlines:
Americans? No, we don´t McDonalds
United Airlines about Emirates: the Ginny
in a bottle with matching unifooooooorrrrmsss!
(I don´t own the above picture)
lunes, 4 de noviembre de 2013
Top 5: 5st of November 2013
At the end of each month I´ll give you a small resume
of the top 5 and bottom 5 passengers´ nationalities to work and fly with
according to the results of the poll you may find above in this Blog
1) Japanese: I wish that when I quit this job and move
back to my country I find a building were only Japanese live. Like a 100 %
Japanese ghetto. They are organized, fast, accurate and responsive, they have
social skills beyond protocol and they respect everything. What I love about
them is the way they tend to travel: clean clothes and not much luggage. They
form an almost perfect line when queuing to board the plane and when they ask
for something (if they ever do) they do it with a genuine smile. Not only they
respect general rules in such a natural manners but also they have the need to
help others if they don´t understand something. There should be a book titled: “The
art of being a Japanese when traveling”
2) South Korean: they are very much alike as their neighbors,
Japanese. A very distinctive “thing” that calls my attentions is the fact on how
children tend to listen to their parents. They actually listen and are
responsive (in very good manners) when their parents set boundaries or limits
for something. Also something that called my attention is that they don´t have
much children as other Nationalities and that is a blessing when it comes to
extra long haul journeys. Hygiene? They really know what that is and have a
self sense of respect for grooming that phew do. When it comes to boarding and
disembark procedures they know how to do it in a fast and responsive way
without annoying others.
3) Swedish: minimalism, expose the essence or
identity of a subject through eliminating all non-essential forms, features or
concepts (Wikipedia). That responds accurately to their art of traveling;
they simply eliminate non-essential forms. When it comes to luggage they tend
to carry only what they need, not more or less; when it comes to grooming they
tend to do it in a way that they feel comfortable and adapt accurately to their
surroundings. During check in they already knew which was the best seat as they
seatguru.com it weeks ago, if that seat is not available they tend to have a B
option and even C. When ordering they know what they want and if they need a
special meal they tend to booked it at least 24 hours in advanced their flight.
4) Singaporeans: what calls
my attention is the balance order of service and gratitude they have towards
others during all moments. During check in they tend to smile towards the
counter girl and ask everything with a “please” or “do you mind”; during
security checks and immigration they know how to move around and do it with
delaying no one. In flight they tend to seat and not move much around the
cabin. They tend not to drink or use the call button. Soft and easy going
travelers.
5) Americans: grey zone.
They tend to be good passengers but sometimes they are too noisy or have too
much of special needs during the flight. Not only many are a little bit big to
fit into the seat but also they have the need to move around the cabin in which
the aisles are not big enough for certain types of bodies. That may annoy
others as they get accidentally bumped by a stomach, ass or arm. Nevertheless they are not hard passengers to
fly with and they tend to be calm when not drunk (when drunk they are extra
extra noisy).
(I don´t own the above picture)
Bottom 5: 5st of November 2013
At the end of each month I´ll give you a small resume
of the top 5 and bottom 5 passengers´ nationalities to work and fly with
according to the results of the poll you may find above in this Blog
1) Chinese: yes, they are still there and I had it.
Last night flight I saw how a child was peeing inside the puke bag while his
mother was holding the bag in her knees and above that the toilets were free,
what was her excuse? The “ai dant andarstand” is making me sick because they
think that I´m stupid behind my smile but I´m not and the worst of it is that
if you put the limit they still “dant adarstand” it and want to get away with
“their game”. They are filthy and annoying not only to me but also to other
passenger, why? Because they need to shout out when they are talking (that is part
of their idiom, they don´t have accents as Spanish or French so they have 5
phonetically chants that when they put emphasis on a word they might be
changing the meaning of it). So no, I can´t stand their chant. Not also they
seriously don´t want to follow rules but also they don´t care at all for the
other. Solidarity? Respect? No, that doesn´t exist in their agenda. So they are
filthy, they don´t know what is personal hygiene or grooming, they smell really
bad (some not all), they don´t respect rules and they don´t care for the other.
2) Indians: I´m starting to believe that deep inside
their genetic strand there is an extra ADN strand for curry. Oh my Lord, they
do smell like it. Not also that but for example, when a group of old Indian
women are travelling they take their time absolutely for everything, they take
so much time that you start to feel suddenly dizzy as you start thinking that
the world has turned into slow motion. But then if they have the need to do
something fast they are faster than Bolt, also into their own personal
convenience. Hygiene? As I said it before and will say it again, culturally
speaking for many it´s okay to wash their cloth and bath in a river were
corpses float around while they are being eaten by crows, so no, many don´t
have a hygiene cultural like I was raised or used to. Personally I can´t blame
that, but it´s a shocker when the cabin smells like a fish port blown into the
Twilight Zone. Do they care about for the other when someone needs helps or
just ask if they mind changing seats? No, they don´t. Seriously speaking in all
of my flights I had never ever seen an Indian accepting to swap seats with
another passenger. Hurray for their proud, not.
3) Russians:
most of them but not all like to drink, a lot. They like to drink beer as if
were to be water and vodka as Coca Cola. Do they come with an extra set of
liver at birth? Not only they tend to be problematic passengers due to the
booze, but many times they tend to by aggressive towards crew and passenger.
Rules? They tend to like only their own and that is a problem when it comes to
safety. Not very long time ago my roommate was almost punched by a 30´s
something Russian just because she insisted that the passenger needed to fasten
his seat belt during descend. Yes, we deal with that. Also, the need to be
snobbish due to the new-rich-syndrome is really annoying as some think that
crew are just an expandable product without content. There is this proverb from
where I come from that says: “if you try to dress with silk a monkey, you will
find only a monkey”.
4) Pakistan:
yes, most of them are very aggressive people. Men tend to have a serious issue
to racism as many times they think they may harass female (or male) crew just
because it is fun. Why the need to show that they can be “manly” o “butch” by
annoying and making fun of others? Many of my colleagues had serious issues
with that Nationality and it´s very hard to set a limit as many times they tend
to have more right than crew. We are in the 21 century; do they still have the
need to be that kind of people? Not only that but some tend to do what they
feel they should do without asking and going against the rules, why? They are
bored. Limits-issues, seriously.
5) Spanish: grey
zone. This Nationality may be a fun one when it comes to traveling but
sometimes they may be annoying. An example that I developed not very long time
ago was: Spanish are like the spinster aunt that you only see during Christmas,
they are fun at first but then they simply don´t stop talking. Besides that,
some tend to over ask constantly everything and need a total full length
explanation when it comes to making decisions in wine or food. Nevertheless if
they are calm and sooth they are easy going travelers, if not you should be
very patient with them.
.jpg)
(I don´t own the above picture)
viernes, 1 de noviembre de 2013
International word:
“Coca-Cola”
but don´t say “Coca” (Coke) in certain places, it´s just not a good idea
(I don´t own the above picture)
Pull:
I still find it hard to believe that some passenger’s
don´t know how to open the toilet´s door
(I don´t own the above picture)
A map, please?
Some people may actually get lost inside an
A380, not a joke
(I don´t own the above picture)
Suscribirse a:
Entradas (Atom)