Dear Santa Claus,

Do you remember me? The blond skinny girl who went to church every Sunday until she was 16 and then starting doing community work for UNICEF? Well, I understand that you are a very busy person with a lot of things in your agenda: watching out that your toy-fabric doesn’t collapse due to the fact that the North Pole is melting due to Greenhouse effects or that your reindeers are not accidentally shot down midair. Nevertheless I know that you will organize everything that comes along and perform an exciting and wonderful task as you do every year.

I would like to start this letter and remind you about my good will and warm heart. This year I have cleaned vomit from a wide range of John and Jane Doe's, wiped menstruation stains from the many Indians who have seated in my jump seat while waiting for the toilet. I politely beard each spit and barf from almost every Chinese that sat down in my sector while I smiled to every nasty and jealous East European Purser that I had to work with while playing stupid to the plane-boring jokes of every Australian wanna-be-recruiter crew.

I have dealt with a nasty divorce; cried my soul out in the bathroom of each flight missing what I lost. I packed my life in many boxes and just finished with one. I had to be very strong to the wide variety of comments of a close minded society in which each time I confesed that I am divorced I had to stand up as if I had a terminal disease that would never have a cure. I had to give explanations to the very non charming Indian Manager about why I wanted to go back to the last place where I found myself as if she were to be God’s inspector. I had to close my eyes and overcome each time some of my fellow colleagues looked at me with pitiful eyes thanks to the inspector’s open mouth.

Not only had I learned to build longer walls greater than the Great Chinese but also I understood the meaning of each brick. With no regrets, Dear Santa, I smiled and embraced every situation as if I were to be an emotional kamikaze of my own paths. So if you kindly take all of that into consideration I would like to ask you for the next gifts:

To start with I would like, if possible, not to work with any female crew in my upcoming rosters. My system doesn’t stand any more bitch drama, fuzz or menstrual competition of who has the strongest flow.

In addition I would like to have a third gay friend. Those are loyal, ground braking souls and people that you may actually trust > something that is almost a hidden treasure.

Last but not least I would like to have a normal sleeping patron were I may close my eyes and with the blink of a dream fall into a deep sleep for 8 hours in a row without any hot flashes, goosebumps or disorientation.

And of course I also want world peace and a Mac.

Hope you have a wonderful transpolar flight to every one of your destinations and watch out for Ebola or any missing rocket.

Take care!

Yours,

L

(I don´t own the above picture)